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The Unicorn Manifesto (archiving my Ovarit self-posts)

The Unicorn Manifesto (archiving my Ovarit self-posts)

 
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902
Apr 13 2025, 10:36 PM
#31
https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/502921/sage-s-law-in-virginia-hb-2432-testimony-from-sage-s-adoptive-mother

Sage's Law in Virginia, HB 2432: testimony from Sage's adoptive mother
Posted on Oct 24, 2023

Testimony from Sage's mother on January 30, 2023, in support of Sage's Law, which would have required schools to inform parents if their child wishes to identify with a gender different from their biological sex.

Quote:I am Sage's mother, better known as Nana. I adopted Sage after my son died when she was still a baby. She's been through six foster homes by then, but we loved her and she blossomed into a joyful, lively girl who made music and art.

Puberty began and COVID hit, and she was treated for depression and anxiety, at times very severe. Her teachers shared any concerns with me so her treatment could be adapted.

The transparency ended in August of 2021 when Sage started high school. She started a public high school and she told me that all the girls there were bi, trans, lesbian, emo and she wanted to wear boy's clothes and be emo. Because I saw it as just a phase, it was fine with me.

But at school, she told them something different: she was now a boy named Draco with male pronouns. Sage asked the school not to tell me, and they did not tell me even though I informed them of her mental health history and medication. If I had known, this would be a much different story.

She was terribly bullied. No one told me. But boys followed her, touched her, threatened violence and rape. Something happened in the boy's bathroom but for two days, the school told me nothing. They kept meeting with Sage alone and she became so distraught they called me to pick her up.

That evening, I found a hallpass labeled 'Draco' and Sage told me she was identifying as a boy, and that her counselor said she could use the boy's bathroom. She'd been jacked up against the wall by a group of boys. She was crying, terrified. I said just stay home, we'll figure it out. That was my last conversation with Sage for five months.

The night she ran, she thought, to a young friend she'd met online, she left a note saying she was scared of what would happen if she stayed. The sheriff, FBI, search dogs were called in. I dropped to my knees in prayer. Nine days later the FBI found her in Baltimore. My baby had been lured online, sex trafficked by DC then Maryland. She was locked in a room, drugged, gang raped and brutalized by countless men. It was night. The FBI told us to pick her up in Maryland the next morning.

We packed our cars with blankets and stuffed animals and arrived by 8 am, but we were told we couldn't see her, and were summoned before Judge Robert Kershaw late that afternoon. They didn't even tell Sage that we came for her. We finally entered the courtroom and Sage appears on a huge Zoom screen from a prison cell. She looks tiny and broken, and I cry out 'I love you Sage.' Sage responds 'I love you too, Nana.' But attorney Anisa Khan rebukes us. She is a 'he' and his name is 'Draco' not Sage. We were floored.

Khan accuses us of emotional and physical abuse, that we are misgendering her, even though we just learned she claims to be trans and we're willing to use any name and pronouns to bring her home. My husband was so tearful he kept forgetting the new pronouns, so the judge had the bailiff remove him from the courtroom. I was pleading for my child to be returned and treated for her unspeakable trauma. Judge Kershaw told me, if I use the word 'trauma' again, he would throw me out too.

For over two months, he withheld custody. He housed Sage in the male quarters of a children's home. Sage told me she was the only girl and repeatedly assaulted. She was given street drugs by the other kids and Khan told her she didn't care. She just wanted to win the case and all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary. Khan tried to prove abuse, but we were eventually cleared by both states of all charges.

Sage later told me Khan had told her to lie that we hit her. Khan even had Sage's school counselors testify against u,s though they barely knew Sage and they didn't know us at all. Khan told my precious child I didn't want her anymore. I found out Sage never received any of the letters I sent her.

Sage ran from the Children's Home and disappeared for months. They told me she might already be gone forever, but I couldn't give up and I finally found a tip on her social media that led the marshals to her in Texas. She had been drugged, raped, beaten and exploited. This time I was able to be with her for the traumatic rape exam, and to bring her home.

Back in Virginia, she entered the mental health facility that Judge Kershaw had ordered, as it would affirm her as a male. The therapist began pressuring her to have her healthy breasts removed. Sage was too scared to protest, but she asked me to secretly buy her girl's clothes because she wanted to be a girl, but keep them in the car. It took a kind lawyer, Josh Hetzler to secure her discharge.

After almost a year. Sage was finally home. Safe. Alive. Sage is receiving professional trauma care the first trafficker has already been convicted. Sage has nightmares, panic attacks, rape-related medical issues, but there's hope. I tell her she's not broken she's just scarred. And part of that hope is that in courageously sharing her story, others will be saved.

Sage said she doesn't know who she was back then. She wasn't a boy, she just wanted to have friends. But her school, the judge, the attorney and the doctor were all blinded by their ideology. The consequences for Sage were unspeakable.

Please don't let ideology harm another child. Let parents do our jobs. We know our children best and we love them a million times more.

Thank you.



17 days later, Sage's Law was struck down by Democrats in the Virginia state Senate, along with another bill that would have required public school student athletes to participate in teams that aligns with their biological sex.

Kozlik's regular member account. πŸ€πŸ
Clover
Kozlik's regular account πŸ€πŸ
Apr 13 2025, 10:36 PM #31

https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/502921/sage-s-law-in-virginia-hb-2432-testimony-from-sage-s-adoptive-mother

Sage's Law in Virginia, HB 2432: testimony from Sage's adoptive mother
Posted on Oct 24, 2023

Testimony from Sage's mother on January 30, 2023, in support of Sage's Law, which would have required schools to inform parents if their child wishes to identify with a gender different from their biological sex.

Quote:I am Sage's mother, better known as Nana. I adopted Sage after my son died when she was still a baby. She's been through six foster homes by then, but we loved her and she blossomed into a joyful, lively girl who made music and art.

Puberty began and COVID hit, and she was treated for depression and anxiety, at times very severe. Her teachers shared any concerns with me so her treatment could be adapted.

The transparency ended in August of 2021 when Sage started high school. She started a public high school and she told me that all the girls there were bi, trans, lesbian, emo and she wanted to wear boy's clothes and be emo. Because I saw it as just a phase, it was fine with me.

But at school, she told them something different: she was now a boy named Draco with male pronouns. Sage asked the school not to tell me, and they did not tell me even though I informed them of her mental health history and medication. If I had known, this would be a much different story.

She was terribly bullied. No one told me. But boys followed her, touched her, threatened violence and rape. Something happened in the boy's bathroom but for two days, the school told me nothing. They kept meeting with Sage alone and she became so distraught they called me to pick her up.

That evening, I found a hallpass labeled 'Draco' and Sage told me she was identifying as a boy, and that her counselor said she could use the boy's bathroom. She'd been jacked up against the wall by a group of boys. She was crying, terrified. I said just stay home, we'll figure it out. That was my last conversation with Sage for five months.

The night she ran, she thought, to a young friend she'd met online, she left a note saying she was scared of what would happen if she stayed. The sheriff, FBI, search dogs were called in. I dropped to my knees in prayer. Nine days later the FBI found her in Baltimore. My baby had been lured online, sex trafficked by DC then Maryland. She was locked in a room, drugged, gang raped and brutalized by countless men. It was night. The FBI told us to pick her up in Maryland the next morning.

We packed our cars with blankets and stuffed animals and arrived by 8 am, but we were told we couldn't see her, and were summoned before Judge Robert Kershaw late that afternoon. They didn't even tell Sage that we came for her. We finally entered the courtroom and Sage appears on a huge Zoom screen from a prison cell. She looks tiny and broken, and I cry out 'I love you Sage.' Sage responds 'I love you too, Nana.' But attorney Anisa Khan rebukes us. She is a 'he' and his name is 'Draco' not Sage. We were floored.

Khan accuses us of emotional and physical abuse, that we are misgendering her, even though we just learned she claims to be trans and we're willing to use any name and pronouns to bring her home. My husband was so tearful he kept forgetting the new pronouns, so the judge had the bailiff remove him from the courtroom. I was pleading for my child to be returned and treated for her unspeakable trauma. Judge Kershaw told me, if I use the word 'trauma' again, he would throw me out too.

For over two months, he withheld custody. He housed Sage in the male quarters of a children's home. Sage told me she was the only girl and repeatedly assaulted. She was given street drugs by the other kids and Khan told her she didn't care. She just wanted to win the case and all the way to the Supreme Court if necessary. Khan tried to prove abuse, but we were eventually cleared by both states of all charges.

Sage later told me Khan had told her to lie that we hit her. Khan even had Sage's school counselors testify against u,s though they barely knew Sage and they didn't know us at all. Khan told my precious child I didn't want her anymore. I found out Sage never received any of the letters I sent her.

Sage ran from the Children's Home and disappeared for months. They told me she might already be gone forever, but I couldn't give up and I finally found a tip on her social media that led the marshals to her in Texas. She had been drugged, raped, beaten and exploited. This time I was able to be with her for the traumatic rape exam, and to bring her home.

Back in Virginia, she entered the mental health facility that Judge Kershaw had ordered, as it would affirm her as a male. The therapist began pressuring her to have her healthy breasts removed. Sage was too scared to protest, but she asked me to secretly buy her girl's clothes because she wanted to be a girl, but keep them in the car. It took a kind lawyer, Josh Hetzler to secure her discharge.

After almost a year. Sage was finally home. Safe. Alive. Sage is receiving professional trauma care the first trafficker has already been convicted. Sage has nightmares, panic attacks, rape-related medical issues, but there's hope. I tell her she's not broken she's just scarred. And part of that hope is that in courageously sharing her story, others will be saved.

Sage said she doesn't know who she was back then. She wasn't a boy, she just wanted to have friends. But her school, the judge, the attorney and the doctor were all blinded by their ideology. The consequences for Sage were unspeakable.

Please don't let ideology harm another child. Let parents do our jobs. We know our children best and we love them a million times more.

Thank you.



17 days later, Sage's Law was struck down by Democrats in the Virginia state Senate, along with another bill that would have required public school student athletes to participate in teams that aligns with their biological sex.


Kozlik's regular member account. πŸ€πŸ

Clover
Kozlik's regular account πŸ€πŸ
902
Apr 13 2025, 10:48 PM
#32
https://ovarit.com/o/Women/501932/male-psychiatrist-who-gives-mental-health-advice-on-youtube-makes-a-video-about

Male psychiatrist who gives mental health advice on YouTube makes a video about how "boundaries don't work" β€” wtf?
Posted on Oct 23, 2023

(I'm not really sure the best place to post this so I'm posting here. I think it would have been good in like a videos circle but we only have a feminist videos circle.)

So I've known of this YouTube channel called HealthyGamerGG. I think I've watched one of his videos, and now I've gotten recommended several other ones of his in my feed. Most of the time I thought they were pretty okay, I didn't really watch them, the titles seemed fine. I thought it was nice that there was a man on YouTube who was trying to promote mental health in men.

Then, this one titled "Boundaries Don't Work - Here's Why" popped up on my feed, and I got some alarm bells in my head. At first I thought maybe it's a clickbait title, but reading the description made it appear even worse:

Quote:Today we are going to talk about why setting healthy boundaries is idiotic and seldom times doesn't work. I know this sounds crazy but setting healthy boundaries usually doesn't work. It only really works if you have power in that situation.

After reading this, I had to look up more about this guy. His name is Alok and he is a "Harvard-trained psychiatrist." The fact that he's a psychiatrist kind of sets off more alarms for me, because I don't have the best opinion of psychiatrists, I feel like they treat symptoms and ignore deep-rooted mental health issues.

Quote:Alok Kanojia, 37, is known as β€œDr. K” to his fans, 370,000 of whom tune into his monetized Twitch livestream β€œHealthy Gamer GG” where he discusses issues like online harassment, depression and self-criticism with popular gaming guest stars. He also runs a YouTube channel with the same name that's monetized through ads.

So he is using his psychiatrist credentials to make money on Twitch and YouTube. He has sponsorships for NordVPN, if that explains anything about his highly tech-centric male-centric audience. He also advertises his paid life coaching service.

Is it just me, or is this guy not giving healthy advice? I can't imagine a mental health professional recommending to people to not set healthy boundaries. It appears that one of his video sections is to "be weak." Another is "separate emotions from actions," and another is titled "dissociation," which I tried to skip through and it looks like there was no mention of disassociation but instead rambling about how our "rational mind" can be hijacked by emotion? Maybe I skipped over one of the mentions of dissociation but idk. He seems to be kind of "anti-emotion," which is strange because a lot of my therapy has been focused on being able to acknowledge emotion and give emotion space to be felt.

This video sets off alarms in my head because it's a man suggesting to a wide YouTube audience, which may include young women, to not even try to set boundaries, because they "don't work," and apparently instead to "be weak."

So in one aspect I'm concerned because I feel like this is setting up women to not create or enforce boundaries, when that's really a lot of what women need to do, especially with men. And then what concerns me is the men who are probably his primary audience, who see this video and decide that women who set boundaries are stupid because a YouTube doctor told them "boundaries are stupid."

I'm going to be completely honest and say I didn't watch the video in full, because of the title and the description. If anyone wants to watch it and explain maybe I'm misunderstanding his video, I would welcome that.

Am I misinterpreting this video? Or does anyone else feel like it is concerning?



[Honorary mention to my feces analogy comment https://ovarit.com/o/Women/501932/male-psychiatrist-who-gives-mental-health-advice-on-youtube-makes-a-video-about/c7c92840-db47-4a5d-9c08-053f41cc0538#comment-c7c92840-db47-4a5d-9c08-053f41cc0538]

Quote:it's honestly pretty strange to me to post this kind of thread about a video you didn't even watch.

Why is it strange? I'm not interested in watching a thirty minute video video titled "boundaries don't work," by a male YouTuber who then further goes on to describe boundaries as "idiotic" in his video description. If he wants to put out clickbait titles like that, then I'd rather comment on them and discuss how he is clickbaiting or the meaning behind the misleading clickbait words he wrote.

Quote:it's also important to understand that many people do use the term "set boundaries" to mean "stand up for yourself," and the title is clearly intended to draw in people who assume the latter meaning.

I don't get it. So then the video would mean "standing up for yourself doesn't work?" That sounds similarly defeatist.

Edit to add:

If there was a person shouting "I'm throwing feces at people" a block down, I'd be disgusted, go walk a different way, and let others going that way know that someone is shouting about throwing feces. If later someone told me "I can't believe you didn't check it out for yourself, that person was actually handing out free balloons," I wouldn't care that I was wrong. I'm glad that I was wrong, but I'm still not obligated to go see if every person shouting that they're throwing feces is actually giving out fun treats. I'm not obligated to check if every clickbait unhealthy media title is accurate by giving them what they want and sitting through their content, I can choose to solely comment on the title they're putting out to the world.

Kozlik's regular member account. πŸ€πŸ
Clover
Kozlik's regular account πŸ€πŸ
Apr 13 2025, 10:48 PM #32

https://ovarit.com/o/Women/501932/male-psychiatrist-who-gives-mental-health-advice-on-youtube-makes-a-video-about

Male psychiatrist who gives mental health advice on YouTube makes a video about how "boundaries don't work" β€” wtf?
Posted on Oct 23, 2023

(I'm not really sure the best place to post this so I'm posting here. I think it would have been good in like a videos circle but we only have a feminist videos circle.)

So I've known of this YouTube channel called HealthyGamerGG. I think I've watched one of his videos, and now I've gotten recommended several other ones of his in my feed. Most of the time I thought they were pretty okay, I didn't really watch them, the titles seemed fine. I thought it was nice that there was a man on YouTube who was trying to promote mental health in men.

Then, this one titled "Boundaries Don't Work - Here's Why" popped up on my feed, and I got some alarm bells in my head. At first I thought maybe it's a clickbait title, but reading the description made it appear even worse:

Quote:Today we are going to talk about why setting healthy boundaries is idiotic and seldom times doesn't work. I know this sounds crazy but setting healthy boundaries usually doesn't work. It only really works if you have power in that situation.

After reading this, I had to look up more about this guy. His name is Alok and he is a "Harvard-trained psychiatrist." The fact that he's a psychiatrist kind of sets off more alarms for me, because I don't have the best opinion of psychiatrists, I feel like they treat symptoms and ignore deep-rooted mental health issues.

Quote:Alok Kanojia, 37, is known as β€œDr. K” to his fans, 370,000 of whom tune into his monetized Twitch livestream β€œHealthy Gamer GG” where he discusses issues like online harassment, depression and self-criticism with popular gaming guest stars. He also runs a YouTube channel with the same name that's monetized through ads.

So he is using his psychiatrist credentials to make money on Twitch and YouTube. He has sponsorships for NordVPN, if that explains anything about his highly tech-centric male-centric audience. He also advertises his paid life coaching service.

Is it just me, or is this guy not giving healthy advice? I can't imagine a mental health professional recommending to people to not set healthy boundaries. It appears that one of his video sections is to "be weak." Another is "separate emotions from actions," and another is titled "dissociation," which I tried to skip through and it looks like there was no mention of disassociation but instead rambling about how our "rational mind" can be hijacked by emotion? Maybe I skipped over one of the mentions of dissociation but idk. He seems to be kind of "anti-emotion," which is strange because a lot of my therapy has been focused on being able to acknowledge emotion and give emotion space to be felt.

This video sets off alarms in my head because it's a man suggesting to a wide YouTube audience, which may include young women, to not even try to set boundaries, because they "don't work," and apparently instead to "be weak."

So in one aspect I'm concerned because I feel like this is setting up women to not create or enforce boundaries, when that's really a lot of what women need to do, especially with men. And then what concerns me is the men who are probably his primary audience, who see this video and decide that women who set boundaries are stupid because a YouTube doctor told them "boundaries are stupid."

I'm going to be completely honest and say I didn't watch the video in full, because of the title and the description. If anyone wants to watch it and explain maybe I'm misunderstanding his video, I would welcome that.

Am I misinterpreting this video? Or does anyone else feel like it is concerning?



[Honorary mention to my feces analogy comment https://ovarit.com/o/Women/501932/male-psychiatrist-who-gives-mental-health-advice-on-youtube-makes-a-video-about/c7c92840-db47-4a5d-9c08-053f41cc0538#comment-c7c92840-db47-4a5d-9c08-053f41cc0538]

Quote:it's honestly pretty strange to me to post this kind of thread about a video you didn't even watch.

Why is it strange? I'm not interested in watching a thirty minute video video titled "boundaries don't work," by a male YouTuber who then further goes on to describe boundaries as "idiotic" in his video description. If he wants to put out clickbait titles like that, then I'd rather comment on them and discuss how he is clickbaiting or the meaning behind the misleading clickbait words he wrote.

Quote:it's also important to understand that many people do use the term "set boundaries" to mean "stand up for yourself," and the title is clearly intended to draw in people who assume the latter meaning.

I don't get it. So then the video would mean "standing up for yourself doesn't work?" That sounds similarly defeatist.

Edit to add:

If there was a person shouting "I'm throwing feces at people" a block down, I'd be disgusted, go walk a different way, and let others going that way know that someone is shouting about throwing feces. If later someone told me "I can't believe you didn't check it out for yourself, that person was actually handing out free balloons," I wouldn't care that I was wrong. I'm glad that I was wrong, but I'm still not obligated to go see if every person shouting that they're throwing feces is actually giving out fun treats. I'm not obligated to check if every clickbait unhealthy media title is accurate by giving them what they want and sitting through their content, I can choose to solely comment on the title they're putting out to the world.


Kozlik's regular member account. πŸ€πŸ

Clover
Kozlik's regular account πŸ€πŸ
902
Apr 13 2025, 10:49 PM
#33
https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/501767/interesting-post-on-the-concept-of-forced-teaming-used-by-tras-on-the-lgb-commun

Interesting post on the concept of "forced teaming" used by TRAs on the LGB community
Posted on Oct 23, 2023

bucketxyz wrote:

Quote:I think the reason the β€œthey’re coming for you next!!1!” Thing TRAs direct at LGB People grates on me so much is because, like, they already are β€œcoming for” us, they have already been coming for us; and pointing out the fact that republicans hate both gay people and trans people doesn’t actually logically validate transgenderism at all.

Quote:Like, Imagine there’s a guy next to me scooping egg salad into his shoes. Then there’s another guy threatening to punch both of us in the head… The fact that egg salad guy and I are both being threatened by the same dude doesn’t change my opinion that the egg salad thing is stupid, nor does it indicate that being gay is equivalent to scooping egg salad into shoes.

Quote:Obviously that example is extremely stupid/goofy, I’m just trying to use hyperbole to convey the point here. Does anyone know if there’s a name for that logical fallacy?? I don’t know how to describe it better

bingus-terfus replied:

Quote:
Quote:Forced teaming is an effective way to establish premature trust because a we’re-in-the-same-boat attitude is hard to rebuff without feeling rude. Sharing a predicament, like being stuck in a stalled elevator or arriving simultaneously at a justclosed store will understandably move people around social boundaries. But forced teaming is not about coincidence; it is intentional and directed, and it is one of the most sophisticated manipulations. The detectable signal of forced teaming is the projection of a shared purpose or experience where none exists: β€œBoth of us;” β€œwe’re some team;” β€œhow are we going to handle this?;” β€œnow we’ve done it,” etc.

Quote:
Quote:David Mamet’s film House of Games is a wonderful exploration of cons and con artists that shows forced teaming at work. A young soldier enters a Western Union office late one evening; he is anxious about whether the money he needs for a bus ticket will arrive there before Western Union closes. Another man is there, apparently in the same predicament. The two commiserate while waiting, and then the man tells the soldier, β€œHey, if my money comes in first, I’ll give you whatever amount you need. You can send it to me when you get back to the base.” The soldier is moved by this kindness, but the stranger brushes it off, saying, β€œYou’d do the same for me.” In fact, the stranger is not in the same boat, is not expecting any money to be wired. He is a con artist. Predictably, the soldier’s money is the only to arrive, and when the Western Union office closes, he insists that the stranger accept some of his cash. The best cons make the victim want to participate.

Quote:
Quote:Kelly did not consciously recognize what her intuition clearly knew, so she couldn’t apply the simple defense for forced teaming, which is to make a clear refusal to accept the concept of partnership: β€œI did not ask for your help and I do not want it.” Like many of the best defenses, this one has the cost of appearing rude. Kelly now knows it is a small cost, comparatively speaking.

Quote:(From The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker)

Quote:So essentially, yes, what you're describing is forced teaming, a manipulative tactic used by abusers and con artists to establish the impression of a shared predicament where none exists.

Quote:The appropriate response is: "We never asked for your help and we do not need it." Reject any attempt from them at trying to frame your situation as shared in any way.

Kozlik's regular member account. πŸ€πŸ
Clover
Kozlik's regular account πŸ€πŸ
Apr 13 2025, 10:49 PM #33

https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/501767/interesting-post-on-the-concept-of-forced-teaming-used-by-tras-on-the-lgb-commun

Interesting post on the concept of "forced teaming" used by TRAs on the LGB community
Posted on Oct 23, 2023

bucketxyz wrote:

Quote:I think the reason the β€œthey’re coming for you next!!1!” Thing TRAs direct at LGB People grates on me so much is because, like, they already are β€œcoming for” us, they have already been coming for us; and pointing out the fact that republicans hate both gay people and trans people doesn’t actually logically validate transgenderism at all.

Quote:Like, Imagine there’s a guy next to me scooping egg salad into his shoes. Then there’s another guy threatening to punch both of us in the head… The fact that egg salad guy and I are both being threatened by the same dude doesn’t change my opinion that the egg salad thing is stupid, nor does it indicate that being gay is equivalent to scooping egg salad into shoes.

Quote:Obviously that example is extremely stupid/goofy, I’m just trying to use hyperbole to convey the point here. Does anyone know if there’s a name for that logical fallacy?? I don’t know how to describe it better

bingus-terfus replied:

Quote:
Quote:Forced teaming is an effective way to establish premature trust because a we’re-in-the-same-boat attitude is hard to rebuff without feeling rude. Sharing a predicament, like being stuck in a stalled elevator or arriving simultaneously at a justclosed store will understandably move people around social boundaries. But forced teaming is not about coincidence; it is intentional and directed, and it is one of the most sophisticated manipulations. The detectable signal of forced teaming is the projection of a shared purpose or experience where none exists: β€œBoth of us;” β€œwe’re some team;” β€œhow are we going to handle this?;” β€œnow we’ve done it,” etc.

Quote:
Quote:David Mamet’s film House of Games is a wonderful exploration of cons and con artists that shows forced teaming at work. A young soldier enters a Western Union office late one evening; he is anxious about whether the money he needs for a bus ticket will arrive there before Western Union closes. Another man is there, apparently in the same predicament. The two commiserate while waiting, and then the man tells the soldier, β€œHey, if my money comes in first, I’ll give you whatever amount you need. You can send it to me when you get back to the base.” The soldier is moved by this kindness, but the stranger brushes it off, saying, β€œYou’d do the same for me.” In fact, the stranger is not in the same boat, is not expecting any money to be wired. He is a con artist. Predictably, the soldier’s money is the only to arrive, and when the Western Union office closes, he insists that the stranger accept some of his cash. The best cons make the victim want to participate.

Quote:
Quote:Kelly did not consciously recognize what her intuition clearly knew, so she couldn’t apply the simple defense for forced teaming, which is to make a clear refusal to accept the concept of partnership: β€œI did not ask for your help and I do not want it.” Like many of the best defenses, this one has the cost of appearing rude. Kelly now knows it is a small cost, comparatively speaking.

Quote:(From The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker)

Quote:So essentially, yes, what you're describing is forced teaming, a manipulative tactic used by abusers and con artists to establish the impression of a shared predicament where none exists.

Quote:The appropriate response is: "We never asked for your help and we do not need it." Reject any attempt from them at trying to frame your situation as shared in any way.


Kozlik's regular member account. πŸ€πŸ

Clover
Kozlik's regular account πŸ€πŸ
902
Apr 13 2025, 10:51 PM
#34
https://ovarit.com/o/Women/499357/thoughts-on-it-s-not-about-the-nail-video

Thoughts on "It's not about the nail" video?
Posted on Oct 20, 2023

It is a very short video: https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg

My therapist brought it up to me last session when we were talking about the concept of being able to listen instead of giving advice.

She described the video to me, and to be honest, the whole time I was listening to her describe the video, I kept thinking "yeah... why doesn't she just remove the nail?"

I understand the general gist of being able to listen to somebody's pain, but I feel like this analogy is more of a joke than a meaningful mental health PSA.

Even in a real scenario, I can understand the complexity behind why a person might not make a choice that is good for them. For instance, I complain about my job a lot and I hate it, but it makes good pay and I live in a country where our health is for profit and tied to our employment. So when I talk to people about my job being difficult, I don't want advice on how to look for a new job, I just want some acknowledgment and commiseration of how difficult life can be sometimes. Versus in the example of the nail in the head, the literal nail in her head provides her no benefit, only suffering. So I feel like it kind of falls apart there.

The video is also made by a man, so it kind of makes more sense how it seems to me like it mocks women's emotional pain and tries to objectify it into some easily solvable problem. I think that's something that frustrates me about this video. When does a friend ever need support about something that could easily be solved themselves with little to no repercussions? It's making up a ridiculous scenario as a way for men to mock women's emotional pain.

What are your thoughts on this video?

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Apr 13 2025, 10:51 PM #34

https://ovarit.com/o/Women/499357/thoughts-on-it-s-not-about-the-nail-video

Thoughts on "It's not about the nail" video?
Posted on Oct 20, 2023

It is a very short video: https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg

My therapist brought it up to me last session when we were talking about the concept of being able to listen instead of giving advice.

She described the video to me, and to be honest, the whole time I was listening to her describe the video, I kept thinking "yeah... why doesn't she just remove the nail?"

I understand the general gist of being able to listen to somebody's pain, but I feel like this analogy is more of a joke than a meaningful mental health PSA.

Even in a real scenario, I can understand the complexity behind why a person might not make a choice that is good for them. For instance, I complain about my job a lot and I hate it, but it makes good pay and I live in a country where our health is for profit and tied to our employment. So when I talk to people about my job being difficult, I don't want advice on how to look for a new job, I just want some acknowledgment and commiseration of how difficult life can be sometimes. Versus in the example of the nail in the head, the literal nail in her head provides her no benefit, only suffering. So I feel like it kind of falls apart there.

The video is also made by a man, so it kind of makes more sense how it seems to me like it mocks women's emotional pain and tries to objectify it into some easily solvable problem. I think that's something that frustrates me about this video. When does a friend ever need support about something that could easily be solved themselves with little to no repercussions? It's making up a ridiculous scenario as a way for men to mock women's emotional pain.

What are your thoughts on this video?


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Apr 13 2025, 10:54 PM
#35
https://ovarit.com/o/WomensLiberation/496222/don-t-be-a-nag

"Don't be a nag."
Posted on Oct 17, 2023

A frustrating phrase. I don't think I've ever heard of a man be accused of nagging. Maybe a man could be complaining too much, and yet, he seems to never nag. Why is it primarily women who nag, or "are nags?"

My idea is that it is because men simply do not respect or try to understand women. They "listen" enough to discard what we're saying. They keep hearing the same requests because they're doing the same things, and instead of realizing their repeated actions are the cause of the repeated requests from the woman, they blame the woman for repeating herself too much. "What a nag."

Meanwhile, if a man complains to another man, his complaint is actually heard and taken into account. Because men are "worth listening to." Men don't end up needing to "nag" in the first place, because they are taken seriously.

I think of the classic She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink. It comes down to "my female partner kept pointing out she didn't like something I was doing and I didn't care." She left, good for her.

It seems like "don't be a nag" is a phrase used to shut women up and force them to put up with situations they are discontent with. "No one likes a nag." Well, no one likes to be disrespected and ignored, either.

I do think there is a kernel of truth in the phrase "don't be a nag," depending on the context: no matter how many times we want to convince someone to change their ways or behavior, it is only going to meaningfully change when they choose to change it for themselves. Repeating oneself won't get someone to change, it will just irritate them. People need to choose to change for themselves. We can't force people to change.

I'd like to reframe "don't be a nag" into something hopefully more positive: don't waste your precious finite time on people who don't respect you enough to listen to you.

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Apr 13 2025, 10:54 PM #35

https://ovarit.com/o/WomensLiberation/496222/don-t-be-a-nag

"Don't be a nag."
Posted on Oct 17, 2023

A frustrating phrase. I don't think I've ever heard of a man be accused of nagging. Maybe a man could be complaining too much, and yet, he seems to never nag. Why is it primarily women who nag, or "are nags?"

My idea is that it is because men simply do not respect or try to understand women. They "listen" enough to discard what we're saying. They keep hearing the same requests because they're doing the same things, and instead of realizing their repeated actions are the cause of the repeated requests from the woman, they blame the woman for repeating herself too much. "What a nag."

Meanwhile, if a man complains to another man, his complaint is actually heard and taken into account. Because men are "worth listening to." Men don't end up needing to "nag" in the first place, because they are taken seriously.

I think of the classic She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink. It comes down to "my female partner kept pointing out she didn't like something I was doing and I didn't care." She left, good for her.

It seems like "don't be a nag" is a phrase used to shut women up and force them to put up with situations they are discontent with. "No one likes a nag." Well, no one likes to be disrespected and ignored, either.

I do think there is a kernel of truth in the phrase "don't be a nag," depending on the context: no matter how many times we want to convince someone to change their ways or behavior, it is only going to meaningfully change when they choose to change it for themselves. Repeating oneself won't get someone to change, it will just irritate them. People need to choose to change for themselves. We can't force people to change.

I'd like to reframe "don't be a nag" into something hopefully more positive: don't waste your precious finite time on people who don't respect you enough to listen to you.


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Apr 13 2025, 10:55 PM
#36
https://ovarit.com/o/WomensLiberation/492728/requesting-feedback-on-radical-feminism-webpage

Requesting feedback on radical feminism webpage
Posted on Oct 13, 2023

Hi all!

I've completed a kind of "radical feminism 101" page for kindrad.org. It goes over the radical feminist framework and then details radical feminist viewpoints.

My goal with this page is to further introduce people to radical feminism, if they are interested from the main website, and also try to make it something worth sharing and referencing for radical feminists.

I am requesting feedback, critiques, suggestions, etc. from any women here who consider themselves radical feminists or align with radical feminist values/stances.

If you're interested in giving feedback, let me know and I'll send you a PM (or you can PM me first). πŸ™‚

Once I get feedback and make sure everything is accurate and as well written as possible, I am going to share publicly with Ovarit.

Thank you. πŸ’œπŸ€πŸ’š

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Apr 13 2025, 10:55 PM #36

https://ovarit.com/o/WomensLiberation/492728/requesting-feedback-on-radical-feminism-webpage

Requesting feedback on radical feminism webpage
Posted on Oct 13, 2023

Hi all!

I've completed a kind of "radical feminism 101" page for kindrad.org. It goes over the radical feminist framework and then details radical feminist viewpoints.

My goal with this page is to further introduce people to radical feminism, if they are interested from the main website, and also try to make it something worth sharing and referencing for radical feminists.

I am requesting feedback, critiques, suggestions, etc. from any women here who consider themselves radical feminists or align with radical feminist values/stances.

If you're interested in giving feedback, let me know and I'll send you a PM (or you can PM me first). πŸ™‚

Once I get feedback and make sure everything is accurate and as well written as possible, I am going to share publicly with Ovarit.

Thank you. πŸ’œπŸ€πŸ’š


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Apr 13 2025, 10:56 PM
#37
https://ovarit.com/o/WomensLiberation/491339/is-unwanted-sex-the-same-as-rape

Is "unwanted sex" the same as rape?
Posted on Oct 11, 2023

I finished reading Pornland by Gail Dines and I was reading Amazon reviews to get other thoughts on it. I stumbled upon this critical review:

Quote:In the next sentence the author states that because rape is also unwanted sex, these survey respondents were admitting to rape. That is a clear logical fallacy, the same as saying "bread is also food, so all food must be bread". Anyone who has been in a long term relationship knows that at times you engage in sexual activities even if you aren't in the mood at that time. This is not equivalent to rape and its a SHAME on the author to play these kinds of slight-of-hand tricks with the few pieces of empirical data that she has in the book.

And I kind of had a "uh, what the fuck?" moment. I really couldn't believe what I was reading. This reviewer seems to describe rape to me?

I disagree with the reviewer's "logical fallacy" example of it's "the same as saying 'bread is also food, so all food must be bread'" Well, I guess I'm biased, because to me "unwanted sex" is rape, so I don't feel like there is a logical fallacy. A logical fallacy would be if Dr. Dines said "all sex is rape," which I then would agree it would be like saying "all food is bread." To me, Dr. Dines is saying "baked dough is bread," which is true? Baked dough is bread, unwanted sex is rape.

Am I wrong in my thinking? Is "unwanted sex" not simply a "nicer" way to say "rape?"

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Apr 13 2025, 10:56 PM #37

https://ovarit.com/o/WomensLiberation/491339/is-unwanted-sex-the-same-as-rape

Is "unwanted sex" the same as rape?
Posted on Oct 11, 2023

I finished reading Pornland by Gail Dines and I was reading Amazon reviews to get other thoughts on it. I stumbled upon this critical review:

Quote:In the next sentence the author states that because rape is also unwanted sex, these survey respondents were admitting to rape. That is a clear logical fallacy, the same as saying "bread is also food, so all food must be bread". Anyone who has been in a long term relationship knows that at times you engage in sexual activities even if you aren't in the mood at that time. This is not equivalent to rape and its a SHAME on the author to play these kinds of slight-of-hand tricks with the few pieces of empirical data that she has in the book.

And I kind of had a "uh, what the fuck?" moment. I really couldn't believe what I was reading. This reviewer seems to describe rape to me?

I disagree with the reviewer's "logical fallacy" example of it's "the same as saying 'bread is also food, so all food must be bread'" Well, I guess I'm biased, because to me "unwanted sex" is rape, so I don't feel like there is a logical fallacy. A logical fallacy would be if Dr. Dines said "all sex is rape," which I then would agree it would be like saying "all food is bread." To me, Dr. Dines is saying "baked dough is bread," which is true? Baked dough is bread, unwanted sex is rape.

Am I wrong in my thinking? Is "unwanted sex" not simply a "nicer" way to say "rape?"


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Apr 13 2025, 10:57 PM
#38
https://ovarit.com/o/WomensLiberation/485596/feministes-radicales-org-is-down

feministes-radicales.org is down
Posted on Oct 5, 2023

https://www.feministes-radicales.org/

They hosted feminist articles and such. I used them to link to "Are Women Human?" by Catherine MacKinnon on kindrad.org. (Luckily, I know of a backup website I can link.)

I hope they've just forgotten to pay for web hosting and come back soon. Sad to lose a feminist resource.

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Apr 13 2025, 10:57 PM #38

https://ovarit.com/o/WomensLiberation/485596/feministes-radicales-org-is-down

feministes-radicales.org is down
Posted on Oct 5, 2023

https://www.feministes-radicales.org/

They hosted feminist articles and such. I used them to link to "Are Women Human?" by Catherine MacKinnon on kindrad.org. (Luckily, I know of a backup website I can link.)

I hope they've just forgotten to pay for web hosting and come back soon. Sad to lose a feminist resource.


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Apr 13 2025, 11:00 PM
#39
https://ovarit.com/o/WomensLiberation/477742/keeping-mental-health-in-mind-while-collecting-pornography-data

Keeping mental health in mind while collecting pornography data?
Posted on Sep 27, 2023

So, I had this... "genius" idea to collect some simple data: titles of videos on free pornography websites. I want to post them here: https://boysandmenconsumethis.tumblr.com/ (NSFW of course, because of the titles)

I recall some study that talked about how there's no pornography studies, because of researcher ethics to not subject people to harm for the purpose of research. The point being, the researchers found that the detrimental effects of pornography were unavoidable, and that's why there are not research studies on the effects of pornography on people? That's what I heard at some point, and it's always been in the back of my mind. (Does anyone know what I'm talking about? I can't remember the source of this.)

I wonder if collecting this data is technically harmful to myself. I did feel demoralized at the concept of men literally seeking out this type of media willingly while I was copy-pasting titles. It also didn't help that before I figured out how to get the raw HTML content, I ended up actually looking at the front page of PornHub and the videos just autoplayed. At least now I don't have to do that anymore, I know now how to instantly access the raw HTML text, so no more images or auto-playing videos for me.

I guess the question of why am I even doing this is probably a good one to answer. To me, it's kind of like shining a light on what we don't look at and what men hide. I was even hoping to kind of tag titles with things like "objectification," "race fetishization," "lesbian fetishization," "teen fetishization," "body part fetishization," "pregnancy fetishization," "incest," "rape," "dehumanization," and so on. (Actually, if anyone has a good list of tags to use for this type of data collection and analysis, let me know. I'll add a list of them to my pinned Tumblr post.) It's just data collection, but it shows a lot. I think in some ways it's important, even though it's kind of depressing and demoralizing. This is what male people are consuming.

Is there any way to do this type of data collection in a manner that isn't detrimental to my mental health? I feel like it requires some degree of compartmentalization to do this, and I know compartmentalization can be used in unhealthy manners.

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Apr 13 2025, 11:00 PM #39

https://ovarit.com/o/WomensLiberation/477742/keeping-mental-health-in-mind-while-collecting-pornography-data

Keeping mental health in mind while collecting pornography data?
Posted on Sep 27, 2023

So, I had this... "genius" idea to collect some simple data: titles of videos on free pornography websites. I want to post them here: https://boysandmenconsumethis.tumblr.com/ (NSFW of course, because of the titles)

I recall some study that talked about how there's no pornography studies, because of researcher ethics to not subject people to harm for the purpose of research. The point being, the researchers found that the detrimental effects of pornography were unavoidable, and that's why there are not research studies on the effects of pornography on people? That's what I heard at some point, and it's always been in the back of my mind. (Does anyone know what I'm talking about? I can't remember the source of this.)

I wonder if collecting this data is technically harmful to myself. I did feel demoralized at the concept of men literally seeking out this type of media willingly while I was copy-pasting titles. It also didn't help that before I figured out how to get the raw HTML content, I ended up actually looking at the front page of PornHub and the videos just autoplayed. At least now I don't have to do that anymore, I know now how to instantly access the raw HTML text, so no more images or auto-playing videos for me.

I guess the question of why am I even doing this is probably a good one to answer. To me, it's kind of like shining a light on what we don't look at and what men hide. I was even hoping to kind of tag titles with things like "objectification," "race fetishization," "lesbian fetishization," "teen fetishization," "body part fetishization," "pregnancy fetishization," "incest," "rape," "dehumanization," and so on. (Actually, if anyone has a good list of tags to use for this type of data collection and analysis, let me know. I'll add a list of them to my pinned Tumblr post.) It's just data collection, but it shows a lot. I think in some ways it's important, even though it's kind of depressing and demoralizing. This is what male people are consuming.

Is there any way to do this type of data collection in a manner that isn't detrimental to my mental health? I feel like it requires some degree of compartmentalization to do this, and I know compartmentalization can be used in unhealthy manners.


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Apr 13 2025, 11:00 PM
#40
https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/476125/if-women-accepted-the-label-cis-do-you-think-tras-would-respect-that-boundary

If women accepted the label "cis," do you think TRAs would respect that boundary?
Posted on Sep 25, 2023

This is a thought experiment, I'm not asking or suggesting anyone use cis. The Venn diagram of cis women and women is a circle, "cis" is not necessary.

Edit: For the purpose of this thought exercise, the label "cis" shall be taken to mean "describing a person who accepts the sex they were born as." I'm still not interested in using gender ideology, even when working with trans terminology.

There was a tweet going around that talked about the colonization of any word used to distinguish women as a sex-based class in order to prevent female solidarity. They talked about how when the word "woman" began to include men, women started to use the word "female." Somehow the word female also became usable by men, so then women began to use "AFAB." Now AFAB is also not allowed, and I'm not sure what is being tried next in the liberal feminist sphere. The point is, anytime women try to find a word that allows them to "politely" organize as women, the word is no longer allowed. Controlling TRAs do not want women to organize and find group solidarity.

"Cis" seems to be the one thing TRAs kind of leave alone. I wonder if this is partially due to resistance from gender critical and radical feminist women to refuse to be considered only a "subsection" of women. I wonder if the resistance from strong-willed women to adopt "cis" keeps TRAs at bay on attacking this term that would end up identical to woman, female, and AFAB.

I'm actually curious why "cis women" is not already being used in liberal spaces? I assume it's because they wish to be inclusive of TIFs? Maybe women in liberal feminism do not think female solidarity is something important to have? Is cis women actually a "dirty word" in the liberal sphere? Did TRAs gaslight women to feel ashamed to be "cis women" and therefore no woman wants to seek out fellow women and organize with them?

I wonder what would happen if all women did decide to be okay with the term "cis." Would TRAs be okay with cis women only communities? Would they be okay with cis women only support groups? Would they be okay with cis women only bathrooms? Cis women only shelters? Cis women only locker rooms? Cis women only businesses? Would they be okay with cis women only schools and universities? Cis women only sports teams? Would they be okay with cis lesbian dating apps? Cis lesbian bars?

Personally, I highly doubt it. I feel like the second the majority of people realize that the term "cis woman" now refers to actual women, people would fully realize transwomen are men. I think there is still a lot of confusion in the public sphere of what a transwoman isβ€”just a few days ago, someone mentioned their friend thought a transwoman is a woman who wants to be a man. I think that deciding to play by TRA rules and fully adopting "cis" would remove all benefit TRAs have of manipulating the public with equivocations.

TIFs would end up increasingly isolated since they refuse to acknowledge they are female, so I am curious what they would do then. There are posts pointing out that transwomen's male socialization smothers trans communities and transmen's female socialization keeps them dismissed and unheard. I assume TIFs would be more isolated in their TIF communities, but that is the choice they make by refusing to acknowledge objective reality.

Would it backfire when people realize gender non-conforming women are still women? When they realize women with short hair and no makeup are "cis" women? When they realize a woman doesn't have to style her hair for an hour every morning and wear high heels in order to be a "cis" woman? Would people then wonder what actually separates a "cis" woman from a transwoman? That gender stereotypes don't make a woman a woman? That transwomen are men pretending to be women?

If women actually did take up the "cis" label, I think it would backfire on TRA causes. I don't think there would be any way TRAs could then argue "cis women" aren't allowed to organize. If they did that, it would be even more blatantly obvious that TRAs hate women organizing and talking amongst themselves. I feel like they would eventually demand we drop cis and trans since they'd have to stop leeching on women's movements and communities. I think there is no true "winning" for TRAs in the twisted language game, and I'm not sure how they don't realize that. Fighting against objective reality is kind of a foolish endeavor.

What do you all think would happen?

I understand this might be a bit of a difficult thought exercise because of all the gender ideology that may come along with the notion of "accepting cis," so I'm not sure if this is possible, but I'm interested in hearing thoughts on this.

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Apr 13 2025, 11:00 PM #40

https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/476125/if-women-accepted-the-label-cis-do-you-think-tras-would-respect-that-boundary

If women accepted the label "cis," do you think TRAs would respect that boundary?
Posted on Sep 25, 2023

This is a thought experiment, I'm not asking or suggesting anyone use cis. The Venn diagram of cis women and women is a circle, "cis" is not necessary.

Edit: For the purpose of this thought exercise, the label "cis" shall be taken to mean "describing a person who accepts the sex they were born as." I'm still not interested in using gender ideology, even when working with trans terminology.

There was a tweet going around that talked about the colonization of any word used to distinguish women as a sex-based class in order to prevent female solidarity. They talked about how when the word "woman" began to include men, women started to use the word "female." Somehow the word female also became usable by men, so then women began to use "AFAB." Now AFAB is also not allowed, and I'm not sure what is being tried next in the liberal feminist sphere. The point is, anytime women try to find a word that allows them to "politely" organize as women, the word is no longer allowed. Controlling TRAs do not want women to organize and find group solidarity.

"Cis" seems to be the one thing TRAs kind of leave alone. I wonder if this is partially due to resistance from gender critical and radical feminist women to refuse to be considered only a "subsection" of women. I wonder if the resistance from strong-willed women to adopt "cis" keeps TRAs at bay on attacking this term that would end up identical to woman, female, and AFAB.

I'm actually curious why "cis women" is not already being used in liberal spaces? I assume it's because they wish to be inclusive of TIFs? Maybe women in liberal feminism do not think female solidarity is something important to have? Is cis women actually a "dirty word" in the liberal sphere? Did TRAs gaslight women to feel ashamed to be "cis women" and therefore no woman wants to seek out fellow women and organize with them?

I wonder what would happen if all women did decide to be okay with the term "cis." Would TRAs be okay with cis women only communities? Would they be okay with cis women only support groups? Would they be okay with cis women only bathrooms? Cis women only shelters? Cis women only locker rooms? Cis women only businesses? Would they be okay with cis women only schools and universities? Cis women only sports teams? Would they be okay with cis lesbian dating apps? Cis lesbian bars?

Personally, I highly doubt it. I feel like the second the majority of people realize that the term "cis woman" now refers to actual women, people would fully realize transwomen are men. I think there is still a lot of confusion in the public sphere of what a transwoman isβ€”just a few days ago, someone mentioned their friend thought a transwoman is a woman who wants to be a man. I think that deciding to play by TRA rules and fully adopting "cis" would remove all benefit TRAs have of manipulating the public with equivocations.

TIFs would end up increasingly isolated since they refuse to acknowledge they are female, so I am curious what they would do then. There are posts pointing out that transwomen's male socialization smothers trans communities and transmen's female socialization keeps them dismissed and unheard. I assume TIFs would be more isolated in their TIF communities, but that is the choice they make by refusing to acknowledge objective reality.

Would it backfire when people realize gender non-conforming women are still women? When they realize women with short hair and no makeup are "cis" women? When they realize a woman doesn't have to style her hair for an hour every morning and wear high heels in order to be a "cis" woman? Would people then wonder what actually separates a "cis" woman from a transwoman? That gender stereotypes don't make a woman a woman? That transwomen are men pretending to be women?

If women actually did take up the "cis" label, I think it would backfire on TRA causes. I don't think there would be any way TRAs could then argue "cis women" aren't allowed to organize. If they did that, it would be even more blatantly obvious that TRAs hate women organizing and talking amongst themselves. I feel like they would eventually demand we drop cis and trans since they'd have to stop leeching on women's movements and communities. I think there is no true "winning" for TRAs in the twisted language game, and I'm not sure how they don't realize that. Fighting against objective reality is kind of a foolish endeavor.

What do you all think would happen?

I understand this might be a bit of a difficult thought exercise because of all the gender ideology that may come along with the notion of "accepting cis," so I'm not sure if this is possible, but I'm interested in hearing thoughts on this.


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