Social Media “I stopped planning everything for my friend group and the silence was so loud”
Social Media “I stopped planning everything for my friend group and the silence was so loud”
Nov 25 2025, 5:45 PM
RalvionTesmarc Im 29F and somehow I became the default "cruise director" of my mixed friend group. If there was a birthday, weekend trip, even just a movie night, I was the one making the doodle, booking tickets, remembering allergies, picking up a cake. The guys always joked that I was "just naturally organized", like I spawned from a Google Calendar or smth. I kept brushing it off because I do like hosting, but lately I was feeling so tired and weirdly invisible, like a talking spreadsheet instead of a friend.
So last month I did a stupid little experiment. I told everyone I would be slammed with work for a few weeks and muted the group chat. No suggestions, no "hey dont forget X is on Thursday". The chat went almost completely dead. One of the men dropped a "we should do something soon" and... nothing. No concrete plan, no follow up. Two birthdays passed and both were just "HBD!!" texts. Yesterday one of the guys half-joked that our friend group is "falling apart" and asked me why I stopped organizing stuff, like it was a personality glitch. When I said I was burnt out from doing unpaid social labor, he looked genuinely confused and said "but youre so good at it". Has anyone actually managed to redistribute this kind of invisible work, or is every woman just quietly running the logistics department of her social life forever?
Kozlik's regular member account. 🍀🐐
r/TwoXChromosomes post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1p6bste/i_stopped_planning_everything_for_my_friend_group/
RalvionTesmarc Im 29F and somehow I became the default "cruise director" of my mixed friend group. If there was a birthday, weekend trip, even just a movie night, I was the one making the doodle, booking tickets, remembering allergies, picking up a cake. The guys always joked that I was "just naturally organized", like I spawned from a Google Calendar or smth. I kept brushing it off because I do like hosting, but lately I was feeling so tired and weirdly invisible, like a talking spreadsheet instead of a friend.
So last month I did a stupid little experiment. I told everyone I would be slammed with work for a few weeks and muted the group chat. No suggestions, no "hey dont forget X is on Thursday". The chat went almost completely dead. One of the men dropped a "we should do something soon" and... nothing. No concrete plan, no follow up. Two birthdays passed and both were just "HBD!!" texts. Yesterday one of the guys half-joked that our friend group is "falling apart" and asked me why I stopped organizing stuff, like it was a personality glitch. When I said I was burnt out from doing unpaid social labor, he looked genuinely confused and said "but youre so good at it". Has anyone actually managed to redistribute this kind of invisible work, or is every woman just quietly running the logistics department of her social life forever?
Kozlik's regular member account. 🍀🐐
